Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
