I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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