Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
