Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
