You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
These tits shall not be calmed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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