Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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