You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
