Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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