Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
