Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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