Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Houston, we have a squirter
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize