He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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