Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
