Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
