god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
