It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
