i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
