Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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