shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
