would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
