Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
