I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
