is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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