oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
