it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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