I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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