so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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