Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
