Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
