Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
