u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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