I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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