a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
