I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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