he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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