In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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