Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
