now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
