I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
