counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
