Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
