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SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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