it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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