I just cut my nipple shaving
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
