no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
