Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize