cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
