god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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