i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
