I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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