I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
