I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
