The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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