How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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