i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he fucked my hip out of place.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
