I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
