my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
