I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Mom said you looked used
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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