i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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