White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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