im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
