I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
