How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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