I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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