all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
