i permit you to call me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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