Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
