He had one of those small greek statue penises
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
