all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
